There are two things I’ve been certain about my whole life: God’s calling in my heart and my love of writing.
There are two things I’ve tried to keep to myself my whole life: God’s calling in my heart and my love of writing.
Isn’t it illogical? I love God. Every moment I can recall includes my love of God and His calling in my heart. Every moment I can recall includes this desire, an irrational need to put words onto paper. God’s calling in my heart and writing are incredibly intimate parts of my foundation that few people know about because I couldn’t bear the thought of being judged, ridiculed or worse, rejected. I had so much fear attached to revealing God’s calling in my heart and allowing people to read my thoughts. This fear was a stronghold over my entire life – I purposefully made choices that took me in any direction that avoided God’s calling and writing. I heard God’s voice as He reminded me that my choices were in contradiction to His purpose for me. I ignored His voice because I didn’t want to face my fear and walk the path He laid. Why would I walk a path I didn’t choose? Why would I go somewhere when the destination wasn’t known? How could I guarantee my outcome at the end of the path? And so, I continued to live my life according to my plan. Admittedly, I had no definitive plan. I just wanted a simple life: be my best version of a Mom, wife and friend; work hard and provide for my family; retire at 65 and live out my elder years loving my family and friends. I convinced myself I could have all those things by loving God while still ignoring His requirements…
The year 2020 is a little over a month away and as the last days of this decade dwindle down, I feel the pull of prophetic promises to come. My spirit is called to the symbolism represented in 2020: 20/20. This is the year of vision and revelation. God has so many plans for His children and He is waiting on us to come to Him in order to have those plans realized. The potential for His children to be released and freed from our strongholds is profound. I think back to May 23, 2018 when God revealed part of His calling for the next season of my life. It was a little after 1:00 am when God woke me up from a deep sleep with one word – OkayShe. I’ve heard other people describe God speaking to them and I can tell you His voice is finite. You don’t question or doubt His voice. Your mind, body and soul immediately recognize God’s Word. YOU KNOW. I wrote OkayShe in the Notes app of my phone and went back to sleep. Over the next few days, I prayed to God and asked for His discernment regarding OkayShe. What He next revealed brought me to the same path I always knew existed and had been avoiding my whole life – He wanted me to use my life to bring others to Him. And that’s how this blog began.
Can you see the sovereignty of God yet? There I was making all these choices in my life because I wanted to avoid sharing God’s calling in my heart and my writing with others. The two were always intertwined. God gave me the desire to write in order to fulfill the calling in my heart. The burden of avoiding God’s plan was never far from my conscience and deep down, I was just waiting for all the consequences of my choices to catch up with me. Let me be totally clear: the consequences were harsh. I chose the long, hard road to the path that was inevitable.
“For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.” 1 Peter 2:25
That’s the sovereignty of God, y’all! No matter how much we try to control our lives, every choice, every way returns us to God’s plan! We can submit early on and choose His path which gives us the ability to live in trust, peace, joy and love OR we can choose to ignore His voice and works and live in fear, doubt, anxiety and hurt. When the consequences of my choices came crashing down around me I was given two options – 1) continue to live in fear, doubt, anxiety and hurt; 2) live in trust, peace, joy and love. The first option meant I would keep trying to create my own purpose and the second option meant I’d finally submit to God’s purpose.
At that particular point in my life, I literally had nothing to lose by pursuing God’s purpose. I’d made quite the mess of my personal and professional life. I was separated from my husband, desperately trying to maintain a home for my kids, stuck in an extremely dangerous relationship with a man not my husband, and working a job that had me fearing my financial and professional stability. I was depressed, alone, angry, resentful and above all things, miserable. If we experience seasons of peaks and valleys in our lives, that season was definitely a valley but it was a valley with the thickest canopy comprised of razor sharp thorns and hole after hole of the most vile, offensive excrement your imagination can think of. Each day was like trying to avoid those holes but being stabbed by the thorns and trying to avoid the thorns but stepping in the holes just to realize the only way out involved walking through both. Family, it has been the toughest season of my life so far. Yet even though that valley was punishing, God was with me.
Some of you reading this might be thinking “Why would God have you walk through a valley of thorns and excrement?” Well, there’s a simple answer: it was my choices that lead me there. God never intended for that valley to be one I had to cross. But as the weight of my choices grew, there was no way I would get to the path God always intended for me without shedding and leaving the burden of my choices behind. I knew the valley was temporary. I knew God called me to Him. I knew He heard my many nights of anguished prayers. I knew He was the only reason the thorns and excrement never defeated me. I knew the light I saw every time I opened my eyes after every slip into a hole or brush against a thorn was His reassurance that pressing on was not in vain. And when I walked out that valley bruised, dirtied and so far from who He created me to be, He embraced me with unconditional love and forgiveness that immediately cleansed any remnants of what I stepped out of.
“They will no longer defile themselves with their idols, or with their detestable things, or with any of their transgressions; but I will deliver them from all their dwelling places in which they have sinned, and will cleanse them. And they will be My people, and I will be their God.” Ezekiel 37:23
I left that valley almost two years ago and the transformation of my life is my greatest testimony to God’s grace for His glory! The blessings and favor He provides are truly miracles. I pray the day comes that I share my full testimony as a representation of His never-failing promises!
I think it’s important to say there are certainly days when I deal with my share of hard moments but there is a freedom I have during trials that never existed before. I trust God. I find joy and peace amidst the hardships because I know no matter where I am and where I am going, God is there. Last but never least, I love God and know that He loves me. As I’ve transformed, my relationship with God has too. I always viewed the plan God has over my life as an unfair burden that would prevent me from living “freely”. I saw no value in making myself vulnerable to others or being truthful about the many ways God has shown mercy in my life. God has revealed some things to me and now I understand the only value truly derived in life comes from choosing to live aligned with the one purpose we can never escape: reuniting in eternal grace with our Father, our Creator, God.
“For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:17-18
“I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.” John 10:28-30
I love y’all. Be good to yourselves. Be good to others.
okayshe.com 
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